A Nice Piece of Ash

So we knew when we moved here five and a half years ago that our two massive ash trees were already dying, afflicted with the fatal scourge that is the Emerald Ash Borer. This tiny green invasive pest (thanks, Michigan!) bores S-shaped galleries just under the bark, and gradually, nay, inexorably, disrupts and deprives even the mightiest ash of the ability to transport food and water vertically to sustain itself.

Science lesson aside, I'm sure there's also a Karate Kid lesson in there somewhere about sweeping the leg. Anyhoo....we knew that someday we would have to cut them down before they FELL down...most likely atop a barn, hydro line, Juke, or Gods forbid the Man-Garage.

Today was Tree Day. They weren't exactly falling down yet by any means, but the stars aligned and Brad the Tree Guy had some free time given the unseasonably warm weather (note the preponderance of green in mid-January) and offered us a ridiculous price for professional removal, before one of us rounded up friends and family to attempt some rather unprofessional removal involving beer, our home and property insurance policy, and a trip to the hospital.

It went a little something like this:

Start with one large dead ash tree

Sprinkle lovingly with safety ropes

Add one whole chainsaw

and a dash of gasoline

Simmer for about 40 feet

Baste periodically

Season liberally

and Serve with gravity!

Serves 6 and heats 4 homes, leaving new Stump Bar(TM) feature